I was excited for no other reason besides that it was a friday and the weekend had just begun. This is every lagosian’s favourite day of the week. I got into my car ready to embark on my mission home, i call it mission because the traffic since the okada ban is a tale i would rather not tell.
One look at my fuel tank, i realised this couldn’t take me home. “hmm, so 7k fuel is no longer enough for one week. I must refill ” i thought to myself. The traffic was worse than i anticipated so i decided to manage the fuel instead of stopping at the total fuel station. This was another bad idea, I know. As I approached home, I saw the mobil filling station about 50m from where I was, “it was so close”, i thought. I forgot for a second that nowhere was close in lagos.
The traffic was moving at a snail speed, I decided to turn off the car and start it when there was movement to stop the car from coming to a halt if i ran out of fuel. That would be very embarrassing and other car owners will still throw curse words at me for making the traffic situation worse.
Of course, this meant i had to wind down my glass. I updated my watsapp status immediately saying, “the dream is to find love in unusual places but all you find in lagos is traffic in unusual places.”
Immediately, my mum called. “Onyi, Onyi, how are u?” She said. I could tell she was smiling. What is the good news, i thought. “I stumbled on your watsapp status, any gist for me?” She said. I was confused for a moment than it dawned on me that all she probably saw on my status was the love, nothing else. This woman will not kill me, i smiled. “Mummy, first of all, you cannot stumble of my watsapp status. You have to go status, click on my name and read it. It is such a long process but you did it in milliseconds”.
I had barely completed my speech before i noticed someone’s hand inside the car, before i could move, he was seated beside me on the passenger’s seat. He showed me a knife and placed one finger on his lip. I knew exactly what that meant.
Can tonight get any more interesting, i wondered. “Mummy, end the call. I will call you back” i said through the bluetooth device. I wasn’t even sure at this point, where my phone was.
I looked at him and he stared right back. “What do you want,” i asked. “Ehen ehen, what do you think? a ride.” He replied, in a very sarcastic tone. A thief that speaks good English. Okay.
We were quiet for a while then i noticed he was staring at my legs and arms. “What now” i asked. “The hair on your legs reminds me of my mum. She died last year.” He voiced while sobbing. I was confused. Am i suppose to console this intruder. “I am sure she was a nice woman. May God rest her soul.” I said.
His knife was still looking at me. As soon as those words came out of my mouth, he looked up and said. “Sister, you know what, just give me anything you have, make i take chop, i been dey drive keke but as they stop us owu wan kill your brother”. My brother, lol.. indeed.
I gave him the 1k in the pigeon hole. He thanked me and said “if anybody ever harasses you around this area. Tell them Geeboy was here.”
I won’t forget that.
Is it safe to say that my hair saved me, lol. He got off my car. And i got to refuel my car at mobil.
The only words, i could say when i laid on my bed at night was: what would have happened if i was veet’s ambassador?