Happy marriage is desirable. Most people who are married or looking forward to, often wants a lasting happy married life; one that...

Temitope Adeyanju Written by Temitope Adeyanju · 2 min read >
Listen actively

Happy marriage is desirable. Most people who are married or looking forward to, often wants a lasting happy married life; one that is blissful and full of all kinds of excitements. Days following the wedding day, plenty of emotions are shown, each mate protect the other just like Romeo and Juliet; you always want to be around each other; you often gist late into the night, you practically can’t do anything without the other and so on.

However, few years or even months thereafter, the scene begin to change. Many of us have been there: the hasty pace of life; day to day demands; the unending schedules and distractions from work or business; children and other activities can sap away our energy; and may even affect the quality time we often spend with our spouse.

We may talk less, purposely distance ourselves, feel unappreciated or even become cold or unkind to one another. Sometimes our emotions may become cool, we may go from loving and passionate couples to cordial roommates. This can cause strains on our union and can drastically affect our desire for love and show of emotion often leaving us unhappy. What can we do to make things better for a happy marriage?

An age long principle that has helped many is found in the Bible: Acts chapter 20 verse 35 ‘…. there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving’. What though are we giving? and how can we know what action to take for our spouse to feel our affection and love?


The best way to know is to ask: what does our mate need? Some feel loved when you actively listen to them and they hear warm expressions of affection; some feel loved by expressions of love in action through simple hand touch, affectionate hugs; spending quality time with them; and still for some others, they feel loved when you help in doing chores at home.

When you have these discussions, irrespective of the outcome of the discussion and regardless of the imperfections of your spouse; you still want him or her to feel loved through the action he or she most appreciate. Yes, if we each show unselfish love, genuine affection will follow.

During the discussion, please listen attentively and actively too. Do not try to be defensive, just have an open and honest communication. Work on the points raised by your spouse and then him or her do same for you. Remember, marriage is the union of two active imperfect humans; who both invest time and emotions to make the marriage work.

Thus ask your spouse the following questions:

  1. What makes you feel special and loved?
  2. Do you feel that I show you enough affection?
  3. What can I do to make you feel more loved?

Take note of your spouse response to these questions. This discussion is a chance to openly express how you both feel and make amendments where needed?

We are all work in progress and we always have room for improvement. Hence, let us all make it our goal to make our marriage happy; give more of your time and emotion, never allow distractions deny you of this. As we all know, happy marriages often produce happy children and by extension happy society.

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