Correct Manners not Common Manners

During special dinner occasions, I have never stopped to think about what fork to use after the salad arrives or how to place my cutlery after eating. Today, there are so many bad manners and social imitations that have become globally acceptable. Manners and etiquettes people once considered proper have gotten lost in bad behaviours, outdated rules, and social media. I used to be a victim of this but just recently I was exposed to the truth.

Two weeks ago, I attended my first comprehensive social skills class and the class had a positive effect on me. The class left me wanting to be more intentional about my appearance and conduct at every chance I get. 

In that class, a statement was made that initiated an immediate change for me.

“You never get a second chance to make a great first impression”

This is a statement I have heard several times and properly even quoted myself. However, on discussing it in class I realized that even though I knew the statement and sometimes practised it, it was a statement that required much more than just a casual approach.

Based on research, it takes 10 to 20 seconds to make a first impression and 10 additional encounters to change a negative impression. In our current society, appearance is a major first impression because 93% of the impression is based on what people see. To make a good first impression, we have to dress right, speak right, walk right and eat right.

This brings me to another section of the class “Your brand”. Over the years, seeing myself as a brand has been an area I have been interested in but when I realized the amount of commitment and intentionality I had to put into it I pushed it aside. The class instructor mentioned that to succeed, one needed to stand out and to do that one had to see his or herself as a brand. Your brand entails your comportment, your appearance, the way you enter an office, your gait, sitting position and stance is an area. We were thought of all of this and I am proud to say that I am currently working on it. For instance, I noticed in church I was trying to sit the ideal way and not cross my legs. I hope I can maintain it HEHE!!!

However, a part of my learnings from the class I seem to have a challenge with is my workplace manners. For someone who works from home and has very little physical work related communication, practising business introduction and keeping my workplace tidy has had little to no improvement. I struggle to keep my workstation tidy and have not had the chance to put into practice some of the business introductions, ideal handshakes and business card exchange. I fear I might lose most of what I was taught. 

Another learning from that class was on dining etiquette which I found very interesting and practical. This was the first time I was informed that there is a general sequence of how to eat your meals during a full course dinner. It is expected to start with the cutlery farthest from your plate and then move in towards the plate. Afterwards are 7 more steps before getting to the dessert. The dessert comes last and a spoon or fork can be used depending on the dessert type. 

In all, there are general rules of etiquette that work all the time, while there are others that are specific to each situation. With all my learnings from the class, I have decided to opt for correct manners, not common manners. 

Oh less I forget, from that class I learnt a new and exciting word “sartorial” which simply means anything relating to tailoring, clothes, or style of dress.