How do I convince a friend to leave her toxic partner?

Olasubomi Alli-Balogun Written by Olasubomi Alli-Balogun · 1 min read >

Ignorance is bliss, sometimes this quote works and other times it is costly. Growing up in Nigeria, you never get anyone to give relationship advice while growing up. It is not like those foreign movies we watch; we see parents getting to know their child’s boyfriend/ girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder how well we would have turned out. Do we become more knowledgeable? How does their experience influence our decisions on who to choose as our partner? I guess we will never figure out the answer to these questions.

I have seen situations where my friends hold on to partners that are toxic. In my opinion, they are better off being single than staying in that relationship. People tend to stick to relationships that are not healthy, why?

Is it the time spent that motivates them? I don’t think so, then why? Generally, humans are bias, we stay in a relationship that is unhealthy. Just so we don’t have to be lonely, sometimes for financial benefits, sexual benefits, and safety.

It’s clear this guy isn’t good for you; he only calls when he wants sex. He kicked her out at night; I had to organize a place for her to sleep. This same guy brought another lady to a party he took his so-called girlfriend to, claimed they are just friends. Treating infections is a turn-off. That should tell you the relationship should be called off. He brought another girl to his guest room and lied that she is a family friend, while she was around. 

I didn’t think intervention was a real thing, it’s something we see mostly in movies. I and other mutual friends have called an intervention on this case, how do you expect your friends to listen to your cries when you are ignoring their advice? The most annoying part is when she goes 2 months without talking to him. We all believe she is making progress, they have broken up, thank God. Then one story comes up, I have clothes over at his house, I just want to pick them up. Pick up goes into spending 3 or more days over there. 

Listening to the excuses sometimes is tiring, what more can this guy do before you leave? Personally, I have given up, I have blocked her on all social media platforms, blocked her number also. It’s taking a mental toll, I really focus on mental health, anything unimportant that stresses my mental health is a no-go.

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