Alone with my thoughts

Oluwademilade Adefemi Written by Oluwademilade Adefemi · 3 min read >

When it comes to strengths and weaknesses, I’m always the first to address the situation.
Stating for a fact that every individual comes to this life with a purpose. We might have similar destinations, but we all have different journeys.
My family background is different from that of every other person. My educational history likewise.
My passion and desire for certain things will indeed not be the same as that of my next-door neighbor, although we could connect on a lot of things like sports, taste in music, high-fashion, and lifestyle choices.

The dilemma I face is always comparing myself to the next person I feel is better than me. I always try not to, but some days when life hits you with some low blows, you tend to bulge.
No matter the “hard guy” you think you are, something must kill a man. “Lol”. For most people, it’s excessive drinking, womanizing, and all sorts, but for me, it’s always been overthinking.
Like “Bella shmurda” in his pulse interview, he was asked what other talent he has asides from making good music, and he replied, “My talent is thinking. I can think from now till tomorrow”.

As much as I want to be the best version of myself, I can’t help but compare myself with the next person. “Why don’t I have as much money? Why am I not as well-spoken? Why is this person more brilliant? Why is she getting more recognition? Why don’t I have as many business connections? Why am I not dating Jennifer Lopez yet?”

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t envy anyone’s life. I just tend to overthink why I’m not where I want to be yet.

First of all, humans are insatiable. For every want satisfied, we develop new wants and needs. So clearly, some of my prayers have been answered. “But does it seem ungrateful to want more?” I don’t think so. It just makes me know that at every point in my life, I don’t want to be okay with whatever is given to me. I want to always strive to be better than my previous self, and if that means using certain people’s lives as a benchmark, then so be it.

Secondly, nobody’s life is perfect, and “not all that glitters is gold”. I definitely don’t want to go to extreme lengths just to attain a milestone that will become obsolete in a couple of years and then end up regretting my actions, but it doesn’t change the fact that “I WANT MORE”. I want to be better than myself from yesterday.
As I said, we all have different journeys, and constantly reminding myself of this makes me know that “I am who God says I am”, and I shouldn’t beat myself up over things I can’t control. But as my mum will say, “Position yourself for greatness”. That saying gets me up every day, pumped and ready to take on new challenges thrown at me, giving it 110% because if I fail, I want to know I didn’t leave anything out on the field, and if I win, I “earned my stripes”.

What do I do when I start to wallow in my pool of thoughts?

  1. I try to relax and ask myself if what I want to get out of overthinking is within my control. If “yes”, I plan and work towards it. If not, I pray to God about it. Afterall, he is “the author and finisher of our faith”.
  2. I listen to good music. “You no fit kill my vibes” – Ayra Starr – Bloody Samaritan (2021)
  3. I hit the gym. The gym has helped me through trying times. A lot of people go to the gym to improve their fitness levels, gain muscle, lose body fat, but I started going to the gym to get over some mental health issues, and I haven’t doubted its effectiveness ever since.
  4. If it still bothers me, I talk to my closest friends about it.
    “A problem shared is a problem solved. Abi no be so dem talk am?”


I feel sometimes, even when we know the solution to our problems, our emotions get the best of us and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for it. Men find it hard to show emotions, especially in the regime we’re in of suppressing our emotions to look tough or not come off as weak, but I don’t particularly support that notion. 

Let your feelings out. Don’t hold back. Allow yourself to feel things. Share with friends. And if nobody is willing to listen, talk to God. That’s the realest OG. He always listens. 

Your life can’t always be perfect. 

Even some people that had everything suffered from depression. 

Don’t measure success by the amount of money you have, but by the amount of impact you’ve had on people around you and your society.

Success is for those that don’t give up, not for those that don’t try at all – Diversity (2021)”

You lose 100% of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky”

Photo reference 0*Le6EzytgLl-QdlAw.jpg (1024×680) (

Written by Oluwademilade Adefemi
Love, Passion, Emotion. Being expressive through words. Profile


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6 Replies to “Alone with my thoughts”

  1. Indeed Demilade, man is insatiable.
    I hope you achieve the ‘more’ you desire, but nothing changes until you decide and act to change it, and I encourage you to go for it because I think you are a spectacular embodiment of creativity and charisma.
    The best success is to be yourself in a world that continuously tries to mold you into somebody else.

  2. Meehn! Brother, this is deep. You’re not alone in this overthinking corner. Thank you for sharing these practical exercises/ solutions. I will be sure to try them. What we owe ourselves is constant improvement, leave competition/ comparison – they are both intoxicating and unhealthy drug. Nice piece, really interesting.

  3. Thank you for sharing Demilade, this was relatable and inspiring. Truly, success comes from aiming to be better than the person you were yesterday. Sometimes you stumble and fall, but one day at a time, and it can only get better.

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