Alone Or Lonely?

Every now and then, I catch myself thinking about the differences, if any, between the concepts of solitude and loneliness.

It may seem easy to distinguish between both constructs based on their literal definitions, but the more I think about them in the context of my current experiences, the more difficult it becomes to answer the following question: Am I lonely, or am I alone?

So far, the year 2023 has been one in which I have experienced a wide range of emotions I definitely was not prepared for. This unpreparedness has felt a bit strange, as my usual approach to life in general has been to “stay ready so you don’t have to get ready.”  

With this in mind, I submit that while I have a lot to be thankful for, I also have a fair bit to reflect on as well.

This year, I experienced the untimely passing of one of my mentors; a man very close to me. This singular event hit me at a time when I was hoping to celebrate a career milestone with him.

I have also had to make the hard decision of moving my family out of the country due to what seems to be a lack of certainty in the Nigerian economy. This one didn’t blindside me as much, as it’s been a major topic of discussion between me and my wife. It took a lot of convincing, but she eventually came around and agreed to journey ahead while I stayed here to fend for the family and pursue my MBA.

In the midst of all these major events, there have been days when I have asked myself if I am capable of surviving so many major changes to life as I have always known it. Beyond survival, I have also repeatedly asked myself if I have the mental strength to excel as I expect to, or if I will be making do with an average performance.

While my friends, family, and loved ones are almost instantly reachable via a text or phone call, there have been days when these options have not done enough to quell the feeling of going through these major events by myself. On some days, I want to do more than talk. I want someone to hold my hand, tell me that everything will be okay, and that it will all be worth it at the end of it all.

So, am I alone at the moment? Yes. It would be hard to say otherwise.

Do I feel alone? Yes.  Sometimes.

Do I think I am lonely? The answer to this is currently unknown. Maybe I will see a mental health professional to get a clear answer. Loneliness has been known to lead to depression.

But there is a potential upside to my current state.

If leveraged properly, this current state could afford me the opportunity to make the most of the time I have to myself. That is once I can get past the major adjustments required of me with my family and closest friends being half a world away from me, manage the ever-expanding demands of the workplace, and craft an efficient system to consume the knowledge that has been laid out before me.

Onward.

#MEMBA12