”To err is human; to forgive is divine”
Almost everyone has experienced being wronged by someone. It could be a former co-worker, friend, or family member. Whether it is a spat with a spouse, your siblings, your dad, a neighbour or a long-time resentment with a friend, when another person hurts us, it can upend our lives. Sometimes the hurt is very deep, such as when a spouse or a parent betrays our trust, or when we are victims of crime, or when we’ve been harshly bullied. Anyone who has suffered a grievous hurt knows that when our inner world is badly disrupted, it’s difficult to concentrate on anything other than our turmoil or pain. But hanging on to those negative feelings can do great harm not only to your health but also to those around you. Forgiveness is strong medicine for this. When life hits us hard, there is nothing as effective as forgiveness for healing deep wounds.
Forgiveness, a simple word at that but carries so much value and power. Forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve your forgiveness. It is the letting go of lingering anger or past grudges against someone or a group of people. As simple as this sounds, studies have shown that forgiveness is one act that is extremely difficult for people because it means letting go; letting go of being heard, letting go being understood, letting go of being loved or valued and sometimes it could also mean letting go of getting the apology you so much want and deserve. It hard because the pain mattered and it does not mean that trust neither does it mean giving them another opportunity to hurt you but it means you are no longer depending on them to right the wrong. And that you are releasing them from owning you. There is so much relief and freedom when you let go of a grudge or an offense.
I can remember the first time I was deeply hurt; it was so painful because I felt betrayed. I never expected that my childhood friend who we both ate from the same plate, attended church activities together, visited each other homes every other day who hit me at the back. I even supported her financially when she had a baby at 19 and every other person stayed away from her; I stood by her. I supported her through school and yet what was my return, a betrayal. I forgave her a long time ago but till date I find it difficult keeping a steady relationship with ladies. No one said forgiving a person who has wronged you was easy, but then dwelling on those pain and relieving them over and over could fill your mind with negative thoughts and suppressed anger.
There are several ways forgiveness could be hindered and they include; not letting go of a grudge and believing that somehow they person will get punished and we will be vindicated, thinking that forgiving the person justify the offence that caused you person, thinking that holding unto the pain will protect you from getting hurt again, thinking that holding unto the grudge, the person will get punished, etc. you need to forgive and free yourself from the bondage you have consciously created because the person who hurt you had long since moved on and forgotten about the matter. When you onto grudge, in no time your become bitter and fearful and you consciously push those who sincerely love you away.
When you let go of resentments and forgive, you no longer give power, you no longer give power over you to anything or anyone – not even your painful memories.
In our next session, we will discuss the benefits of forgiveness and the steps you can take to get healed and to forgive and let go.
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