MINDFULNESS..

Most times in the course of a lifetime, we’ve met people who listened carefully and responded thoughtfully. From these experience, what was that person’s communication style like? What was the specific behavior they presented that led us to conclude they were being thoughtful in their response? There is obviously a simple and powerful practice to improve your communications and capacity to be mindful. It is, quite simply…to pause before you speak and consider how you feel about what is going in the moment…In other words, rather than being perceived as weird, or controlling, when you engaged in the practice of being thoughtful and mindful about a conversation, it is generally considered kindly. Why? Because underneath it is there is an implicit assertion – “I care enough about you and this conversation to attend to you carefully”. And, in fact, I would encourage you to actually express that caring in words when it is true.

I have got to understand the great value of mindful conversation. Practising mindfulness especially when we’re facing a challenging situation such as performance review or presentation can be hard. But it can help us to learn more about ourselves and to move through these situations with greater ease in the future.

Imagine, facing an audience in a presentation, one’s mind may start to ruminate about what might go wrong and hence, become distracted. This can lead to,”I could blush or not know what do say!” Often these thoughts lead to yet more anxious thoughts and together these can lead to the bodily symptoms of anxiety, i.e. sweaty hands, increased heartbeat and fast breathing. Those bodily sensations then might trigger even more thoughts, which lead to more anxious feelings, which lead to more anxious thoughts… So no wonder our anxiety builds and we end up finally blushing!

The first step to mindful communication is to become really clear on what we’re thinking and feeling. Unless we pay attention to our own experience, we don’t have much chance of successfully expressing that experience to others. The fact is it won’t help us to create an apocalyptic presentation in our heads before the actual event. Why? Because all this ruminative thinking will only make us more anxious!

By practising mindfulness on a daily basis, including trying mini-meditation techniques for the workplace, we strengthen our ability to catch our minds when they drift off into the ruminative thinking and gently escort them back to the present. Over time, we become so skilled at this, that it only takes a few seconds to notice when we’ve drifted. We can eventually become the master of our minds. Mindfulness also teaches us to turn towards uncomfortable bodily feelings i.e. anxiety. After all, anxiety is a natural feeling – especially when we face a presentation! But humans have the tendency to want to push things away that feel uncomfortable.

As stated above, anxiety is a natural part of human life. Thus if all we want for ‘it’ is to go away, then we will never get to know it. The interesting thing is that once we start observing our symptoms of anxiety, we will notice that our anxiety is simply that – anxiety: increased heartbeat, sweaty hands, etc. What makes anxiety so bad is all the ruminating thoughts around it, which lead to the vicious cycle of more and more anxious thoughts and feelings. We might become snappy or unkind, and although this might give us the impression that we are expressing our feelings, it isn’t a mindful, clear way of communicating. What’s likely to happen is that the other person picks up on our upset, feels upset or defensive in return, and we end up in a vicious cycle of bitterness and emotional outbursts.

Through practicing mindfulness, however, we become more in tune with our inner experience, and recognise fluctuations in our mood. Let’s continue the practice of mindful conversations. #EMBA28