Isn’t it ironical that this is a space we all possess, yet scarcely use Thanks to Yinka Reis, who brought the realisation of this space to my consciousness. A consciousness that brings to the fore the choices we have….always have.
Daily saddled with the hustle and bustle of everyday life, the endless responsibilities, the urge to ask questions and the need for answers. The forceful pressure to think and respond on our feet. An act, so often exaggeratedly rewarded as smartness. Often than not, we find ourselves, constantly reacting to stimuli in all its forms….from the “whys” to the endless “what’s”; we struggle to find immediate answers. Sometimes by sheer luck, we get the answers right albeit, answers that could otherwise have been better, if carefully and intentionally thought through. At other times we respond wrongly just because of the lack of mindfulness and the patience to reflect. The patience to explore the space between stimuli and response. Reflection time almost zeroed out for many of us.
I recall recently exploring this space prior to Yinka’s class. Though, not because I was mindful of the space, but rather because I was conscious that responding to the irritating circumstance at the time, could create more chaos, or at best wreck an opportunity that I could otherwise do well with.
It was four days before the EMBA orientation classes, and the fuel scarcity situation in Nigeria was at its peak. I had queued up at neighborhood gas station for almost an hour and as it got to my turn, they stopped selling… reason? I was told sales will continue next day. It was an unfavorable response, but what would I do? I went home in the hope that next day I would be lucky; but no, I wasn’t going to be. Next day, fuel was not sold at the station. By this time, I had barely a quarter tank full… I knew I needed petrol in my car tank and I sincerely would not patronize roadside vendors. Two days later, as I went to the neighborhood supermarket to get some bread, I saw two vehicles buying fuel at the same station. The station had not opened up their usual entry gate, but the exit gate was ajar. I saw a 3rd vehicle drive through the exit and straight to the pump. The earlier two vehicles had filled their tanks. (Now this is the kind of opportunity a typical Nigerian will not miss. I am one). My Naija instinct kicked in. I drove right through the exit to the pump that was dispensing petrol into the 3rd vehicle, parked and opened up my car tank. I was determined to get fuel.
The fuel attendants and a lady (apparently a relative to the station owner) were furious. They told me firmly “Madame you can’t buy fuel. We are not selling”. Now the nozzle was still in the tank of the 3rd vehicle dispensing. Trying to control the anger that swelled within me at their statements, I laughed hysterically, took in deep breaths in a bid to keep in my rage, and chose my next words carefully, I said as calmly as I could, “but this is fuel, and you are dispensing. What do I make of your statement. Besides this is a public gas station”. The lady apparently, could see through my struggle to contain the anger in me… (my face must have been all red)…as she then said “madam, you have to calm down. Fuel is not being sold. Today’s sales are only to family and friends of the owner of this station; that’s why we are being attended to. This fuel is not for public”….Oh at that point, a thousand and one thoughts raced through me. I was livid, but I knew I needed to make the best of the opportunity, having reached the dispensing tank. She turned to the attendants and security men, scolding them for leaving the gate ajar … she went some distance away, and instructed another staff, to sell to me as I was in. In short, I filled my tank and I was grateful I took the pause with my deep breaths before responding as the outcome could otherwise have been reversed.
It was a week later that I realized, those deep breaths could have been more purposeful.. but at that time they were the occupants of my space between the stimulus and response. And in fact, when we do not purposely utilize this space, we react rather than respond, thereby losing control to stimuli.
MY LBS ADMISSION EXPERIENCE