You are not alone

Sometimes, I wonder if I am invisible. Are my feelings mutual or even worthy? Have you ever felt this way? No matter how much you try, you make contributions, you show availability, you follow all the rules and instructions, you are compliant to the T&C of engagement yet, your opinions and concerns aren’t considered, heard, or even given any thought for response/ feedback. This can be frustrating and I know how it feels but hey, you are not alone. I am with you, we will journey through and come out as fine gold.

I remember when I took the hit and resorted to a comfort zone (I promise to talk about Mr. Comfort zone some other time) all to avoid the attention/ spotlight (when and if it ever came) or the shame of being unseen or ignored (thinking I was unworthy). The withdrawal served its peace for the time, but it wasn’t effective for learning. I tried to help myself but, it was tough so, I resorted to external help.

At this point, my mentor reminded me of my place on earth, my journey so far, and the call of purpose. He shared a story of a young scholar, who would constantly redraw all the zeros from his test results as car tires and consistently interpreted them as wealth. Silly and funny, yeah? But with such optimism, passion, and gainfully employed diligence, he made it, the success sure did come to pass. Note: this is neither to encourage laziness nor give room for excuse or failure but to stir an honest habit of positive imaginations and performance. Channel your invisibilities, failure, and weaknesses into strength and let the vision stir your hand and heart into an excellent success.

I got the necessary help, and I still needed to reset and guard my mind to constructive positiveness. It took me some time, practice, and a deliberate process to learn to think and listen positively, but it was necessary. I learnt never to base my worth or identity on anyone, not even myself. I am beyond me and now, and so are you. You are brilliant, beautiful, and worthy of love and attention. So, However, and whatever the reason may be, never think you are unworthy or unwise. Do you know why? Because you are awesome and wonderfully made.

How I deal with the unworthy feeling

First, I would pat myself for always trying – this is to steer courage and confidence.

Next, I would assume that maybe I was not understood so, I need to rephrase my message, or maybe I did not understand the situation, question, or requirement so, I need to listen more – implying that I am not invisible or unworthy, I just need to get to work.

These steps will help you separate yourself from the situation to analyze it objectively while guarding your emotions against negativity.

What I learnt from the invisible process

• It is a feeling game, please, do not give into it.
• Rephrase the message. Engage in a little more study – What is the purpose of your message? What do you know about your audience? Let the answers guide your content and message design.
• Learn to stop the mind scrabble/ riddle. Don’t encourage the beat with your mind lyrics (My Colleague, Diversity would vibe to this)
• Don’t dare to throw in the towel. It will blow away.
• It is not about you, it is about the message or situation.
• Never stay silent. It opens the door to noise.
• Complain less – give no room for gossips. They encourage the bad vibe.
• Stop explaining and magnifying the situation rather, use the pictures of your invisibility, fears, and failures, redefine and repaint them into positive art. Use the invisibility.
• Listen to a nice song that brings you alive – something vibrant and different from how you feel (here are some good ones – Happy by Pharrell Williams, Perfect to me by Anne-Marie, You Say by Lauren Diagle, Rise up by Andra Day, Better when I’m dancing by Meghan Trainor, Rise by Katy Perry, Warrior by Demi Lovato, Three little birds by Bob Marley, Never Enough from the greatest snowman by Loren Alrled – Need more? You can reach me here)
• Don’t focus on the down or invisible times, regardless of the situation, please. The sad reality is that the world is moving on without a care, so don’t lose out on the passing opportunities, rather use the defined disadvantages and all the unknown to your advantage.
• At the end of the day, we will shaa be fine. So, know that today is sure to come to an end, and tomorrow will be better.
• Learn to listen. Learn to think again.
• Explore that though a bit more. What can you make out of it? Hop on that positive train, go go go! Don’t look back at the pain, shame, aches or regrets.
• Don’t try to compare your steps and journey to that of the next person. Let their journey motivate you to originality not hate.
• Most importantly, You are not dead; you are not invisible. You are loved (if in doubt, scroll down to the last line of this post, see the name in bold and italics? Yes, that person loves you)
• Las Las, Pickup your Bible – it is time to dust it off and study a bit. You will be amazed at the promises and reassurances of God’s love. He is never away nor far. Philippians 4:11-13 be contented, rejoice and let the joy of the Lord be your renewing strength and yes, you must try again and again and keep going, you surely can do it. Stay happy, stay positive. Today may be a Mournday but tomorrow is a sure testimony.

Take it easy and see you next time.

Article by, Ezinne Okuku