Living in Lagos, it is common to observe fights between the driver and the conductor of commercial buses aka “danfo”. These fights are due to different factors such as change, where to load and offload passengers, or just random issues. In our daily lives, we sometimes face such internal struggles – between our mind and body. The body which is responsible for moving us from place to place might not want to align with the directions of the conductor – the mind. In such cases, what do we do?
The book, “Tuesdays with Morrie” resonated so much with me on a personal level. The valuable lessons shared across the various weeks are detailed insights we want to employ in our daily lives.
Dying is not synonymous with useless, and neither is it something to be ashamed of. When Morrie was faced with the news of his pending death, his mind was strong enough to accept and handle it. He could even create a course for it – where we were both the lecturer and the materials to be studied. Through mental resilience, he carved out glory in a seemingly helpless situation. While studying, I tried to wear his shoes. Can I mentally see the good in the bad? Can I see the honey though covered in a swarm of bees? When I lost my second job through a professional fault, I pulled through with parental care and support because my sense of satisfaction came from my job, my mind was weak and my body collapsed.
You can find meaning in loving people, giving back to society, and being at internal peace. Reading these words came as a thunderbolt. I could best summarize it in these words, “live for others and not for yourself and by this, you would find peace”. I came into the MBA program to gain more skills and meet people who would in one way or another advance me. The increase in job level and the corresponding financial benefit was so I could “do more” for myself. I took an extra hour to reevaluate my life goal and my driving force. It was all self – I mean, I was even willing to sacrifice my relationship. There was this void, a gap between what my mind was saying and what my body was doing.
Full days and unsatisfied lives – those that are neither asleep nor awake. In the Lagos bubble, everyone is in a hurry yet the majority are unsatisfied, so what is with the rush? Monday is a terror to most people, waking and “sleepwalking” to their various offices for their paycheck, never questioning why they are doing what they are doing. Most are on auto-pilot “slaving” away to society, never considering what makes their heartbeat. All it takes is just one report and the castle in the air would come crashing. I am a victim of societal programming. Living as society demands, never questioning and never finding fulfillment. It is like I am on a mass production line – from primary to secondary to tertiary schools, then marry, raise children, and then die. Is that life? When would we start living truly?
When you learn how to die, you will know how to live. That could not have been said better. We know we will die someday, but for some reason, we do not accept or believe it. The death of others seems so real to us and we forget that someday we would also go. From the politicians to the streets, everyone seems to be grappling around in the dark seeking solace in material possession or drugs or whatever vice that they believe would fill that void in our souls – the desire to love and be loved. The ultimate measure of life is how well we can love and much more, how well we can receive love in return. In my short life, I have given much love but I have always lacked in the aspect of receiving love. How to sit back, let go of the steering and allow another person to love has been a challenge and this book pioneered a roadmap for me to move.
We are in the world and we are not leaving here alive, the book shows the healthy balance between dependence and interdependence in life. Do not wallow in self-pity. Accept life and move on with grace. Do not regret, enjoy life at its best and be okay when you receive the other end. Be okay with the reality of death, for death is not the end of life. We have memories so though we may not see them anymore, their memories are fresh in our hearts. Build a strong family – a family might not be blood-related. As humans, we need that support and it is not only about knowing but knowing that someone out there is watching out for you. When I was out of a job, I did not feel all my bills were promptly sorted and all these were from people with and without blood ties. The family will always stick together through thick and thin.
In general, it is considered that feelings make you weak. On the contrary, healthy control of our emotions is a sign of immense strength. Feel the full weight of the emotions and live through it. Why do you need to be young forever? When faced with joblessness, I used to wish I was still a child in my father’s house lacking nothing. However, where is the place for growth? I am still that ten-year-old, I am still a twenty-year-old. I am both the old and the young, I have lived through them and I can harness the experience to be better. We chase money like it is the ultimate goal, however, it should be seen as a means to an end. A way to improve the lives of others and not a tool for self-gratification. We should learn to give love and to feel love, and be fully present in every discussion with each person. Marry well and stick to your partner. Accept only the culture that you have thought through and can add value to the lives of others.
Forgive yourself and others. Don’t let regret haunt you. I have had some regrets in life and this book taught me to let it go – by forgiving myself for allowing myself to be used and also forgive others – those who abused me. Death is natural and it is okay to die and when it comes we should have said all we needed to say. Tell that girl she is beautiful, and appreciate that boy for we all have limited time here.
In conclusion, let us go back to being human. Remember how you were when you were a child? The genuine heartbeat for others? Go back and let that child live again. This money-making robot that has been programmed needs to shut down and let the human in you live again.
Life, Love, and Life
#NHB #MMBA4
