Poison isn’t always something you eat or drink – it can be an emotion. And hate is one of them, eating you up inside and causing destruction.
The judge asked the killer of former Egyptian President, Anwar Sadat, “Why did you kill Sadat?”
He said to him, “Because he is secular!”
The judge replied: “What does secular mean?”
The killer said: “I don’t know!”
In the case of the attempted assassination of the late Egyptian writer, Naguib Mahfouz, the judge asked the man who stabbed Naguib Mahfouz, “Why did you stab him?”
The terrorist said: “Because of his novel – The children of our neighborhood.”
The judge asked him: “Have you read this novel?”
The criminal said: “No!”
Another judge asked the terrorist who killed the Egyptian writer ‘Faraj Fara’: “Why did you murder Faraj Fouda?”
The terrorist replied: “Because he is unfaithful!”
The judge asked him: “How did you know he was unfaithful?”
The terrorist replied: “According to the books he wrote.”
The judge said: “In which of his books did you know he is unfaithful?”
The Terrorist: “I haven’t read his books!”
Judge: “How?”
The terrorist replied: “I can’t read or write!”
Hate turned outward is both dangerous and ugly. It can motivate violent crime and damaging behaviors. The recent shooting at the L.A. Fitness gym in Pennsylvania is a painful reminder of this. The gunman’s hatred toward women and their perceived rejection of him fueled the desperation, insanity and carnage that cost several people their lives. At the heart of all hatred is blame, and this is particularly true for hatred turned outward. When one feels like they’ve been seriously wronged or victimized by someone, their discontent and anger carries with it the potential seeds of hatred. This quote from Siddhartha Buddha says it all: Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Hate never spreads through knowledge. It always spreads through ignorance. This is how societies pay the price of ignorance.
I like this quote because the antidote for hatred is definitely within your grasp. The hand that slaps also has the potential to become the hand that comforts. It all depends how you choose to use that hand.
Five steps to diffuse your hatred:
1. When you begin to feel hateful thoughts, stop, take a deep breath, let it out very slowly and repeat this process for four or five times.
2. Consciously challenge your irrational hateful thoughts.
3. Replace those hateful irrational thoughts with calmer rational thoughts.
4. If your feelings are directed at another person, limit your contact with this person.
5. Employ a “distraction strategy” to refocus your mind – watch a movie, go for a walk, read a book, exercise.
We would end this write up with this anecdote, Native American in origin: A grandfather talking to his young grandson tells the boy he has two wolves inside of him, struggling with each other. The first is the wolf of peace, love and kindness. The other is the wolf of fear, greed and hatred. “Which wolf will win, grandfather?” asks the young boy. “Whichever one you feed” is the reply. I couldn’t agree more with these two sentiments. The more you hold onto hatred, the more likely it is that the hot coal of the emotion will burn you. And the more you feed it, the stronger it becomes.
