I have always taken pride in my ability to learn things quickly. Someone who could swiftly pick up on the subtleties of any topic. Yet a month ago, when I encountered probability distribution in my Data Analysis class at the Lagos Business School, I struggled in a level I have never experienced before.
At first, I thought it was just a matter of not putting in enough effort. So far, I have spent hours reading textbooks and internet resources, trying to make sense of the various concepts and formulas that are being thrown at me. I have watched YouTube tutorials and even sought help from few classmates who seemed to understand the subject better, but it seems it is not working.
As the weeks go by, my frustration and anxiety seem to be mounting. I feel like I am the only one in class that do not understand what is going on, and my lack of comprehension is holding me back from fully participating in class discussions and contributing to assignments. I am now doubting my ability to succeed in this program and wonder if I made a mistake in enrolling in the first place.
What makes it worse is the fact that probability distribution is not just a minor topic in the class, but a fundamental building block that forms the basis for much of the other topics we will be covering especially in our second semester. Every time I encounter a new concept that rely on an understanding of probability distribution, I feel like I am back at square one, struggling to make sense of the basics.
It is not just a matter of understanding the theory either. I find myself struggling to apply the concepts to real-world scenarios, which makes it even more frustrating. I know that probability distribution is a crucial part of data analysis, and that understanding it is essential if I want to succeed in my career. Yet, no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to wrap my head around it.
As we begin our intensive week tomorrow, it feels more and more hopeless. I have put in so much effort, but it seems like nothing is working. I feel like I do not belong in the program and will never be able to succeed in the business world.
I shared my frustrations with my dad over the phone earlier this afternoon. Listening to him speak of his own experiences, I realize that my struggles with probability distribution is not just about the subject matter itself, but about my own insecurities and fears. I am afraid of failing, of not measuring up to the expectations of my peers and the faculty, and of not being able to achieve the success I dream of.
It took me some time to realize that struggling with a subject matter is not a sign of weakness, but rather a natural part of the learning process. Tonight I have decided to focus less on the outcome and more on the journey, reminding myself that every mistake and every setback is an opportunity to learn and grow.
I have also decided to be kinder to myself, to acknowledge that I am doing the best I can with the resources I have, and that it is okay to ask for help when I need it. I just read the chats of my classmates on our social channel few minutes ago, and to my surprise, I find that many of them are also struggling with different aspects of the program. It is a relief to know that I am not alone in my struggles, and that everyone is willing to support each other along the way.
I hope to make progress in understanding probability distribution. It is not easy, and it won’t happen overnight, but I realize that success is not about getting everything right all the time, but about persevering through the challenges and never giving up.
