Last year, I attended a Christian Conference where I felt there was a recurring thread carefully pulled and intricately woven by God to emphasize the word – RELATIONSHIP. Almost all the speakers brought to the fore a different, yet critical dimension of the importance of having the right people in your life and knowing the right season to let go. I believe the statement made by God in Gen 2:18a which reads, “it is not good for man to be alone” (though mostly used within the discourse of marriage) is encapsulated in one overarching idea: YOU WERE NOT CREATED TO DO LIFE ALONE. His solution is still the same – “I will make him a helper” (Gen 2:18b). Help can come in form of a wife. Help can come in form of a friend. However, God sends help.
Some of the biggest blessings in my life have come from my relationships, as well as some of my deepest wounds. I would never underestimate the power of great friendships. I have had the privilege of having some of the best friends in the world! No jokes! They have carried my burdens as their own, cried with me at my lowest, prayed over me at my weakest, been patient with me when they did not understand or agree with my choices/actions, fought with me (because healthy conflict is a necessary part of true friendship and how you fight is a litmus test of its genuineness or otherwise), and covered me when I was not in the room. I glean just a speck of the immeasurable depths of God’s love for me through the friends He has given me. It is mind-boggling and humbling. These friends have helped me in no small way, and I hope I have been a helper to them too.
Similarly, I have had the privilege of fake relationships. Some people do not just like you. It could be out of envy or for no reason whatsoever. Yet they stay around you either because of work, personal benefits or mutual friends. I mean, the reasons are infinite as friction is synonymous with human nature. But, there are those friends who have been offended by you because you were once close, have refused to deal with the offence, and have carried on with deep resentment while looking for the slightest opportunity to betray you. They love having conversations behind your back because it helps them validate their offence and reinforce what they choose to believe and say about you. They carry on the charade of pseudo-unity and throw in PDA (Public Display of Affection) intermittently because it is much easier than confronting the truth. They do not mind giving you gifts from time to time, even depriving themselves for your sake, but it is not out of love, they just need something to boast or gloat about (1 Cor 13:3). How else will people perceive them as better than you? These people have my respect because hatred and envy are such heavy burdens. No one should live with that amount of weight.
Today, I am grateful for all the amazing people in my life that I call my friends. Great relationships are a new type of currency and the wise know how to spend it. The longer you live, the quicker you realise that money does not open all doors. Some doors need human hands. I am indeed thankful for all my friends. And for the “frenemies”, I am also grateful for the hard lessons. I have learnt that not all battles are worth fighting. Now, I constantly check my heart for offence, scrutinise my motives for love, and watch my actions for betrayal. Truth be told, no human being is exempt from this, it requires God’s help. So, I pray you will ask God to expose your heart to you, help you heal from the trap that is offence, and give you the courage to put aside those relationships that no longer serve you.
What is Important?