Butterflies Are Not Enough: An Open Letter to Intending Couples 1

As beautiful as butterflies in your stomach can be, you may not like the experience of living with a warrior child, with a child fighting sickle cell.

 “Ah! Aunty Chinwe, my back, the middle of my back is paining me.”

Is middle of back not spinal cord? How can spinal cord be paining this girl? 

Yet, stressed aunty Chinwe jumps off the bed and rushes to meet her student that will not be comforted, she holds her head against her chest, but she cries even more. We bear the cold night together. 2 days later, I leave the hospital because; I have to go back to work.

 I get to school and my dear student’s sister comes to me and says “Aunty Chinwe, do you know that my sister could not sleep throughout the night? She just kept crying till we left the house this morning. My mummy was crying too and I did not know what to do.”

“My heart is torn too, dear. How do I expect you to know what to do, my dear one? You are 8 years old and just 2 years older than your sister who is struggling with sickle cell disorder.”  

My Friend That Had Sickle Cell 

There was this friend I had when I was in the university that was very skinny. We laughed a lot about it because, when we had food to eat, he will be the first to start eating, ask for more and will hardly get tired of eating.

I just kept wondering where the food was going to. He had other ‘weird’ characteristics- he wore cardigans everywhere he went to; he had socks worn always, he did not even joke with fumigating his room every other day. 

I joined Instagram and went to follow him on Instagram, then I saw his affiliations with sickle cell groups and warriors, I read on and on. It was heartbreaking to see how many surgeries he could not talk about with us, so I cried myself to sleep. I did not even have the courage to talk about it till date, I know I failed him. 

My Opinions 

It is not my intention to give a lecture on sickle cell and my opinions may be sentimental and flawed in many ways.

I just have some questions- before the butterflies in your stomach make you say yes to someone whose genotype is not compatible with yours, ask yourself, who will bear the consequences? How do you want that child to feel about your careless actions?

You had a chance to change it, but you stayed with the partner. 

We read cases; some of us have lost people, and some see people fighting for their lives in excruciating pains every day and you speak to me about love?

Please, save your butterflies from turning to dragons tomorrow when that child is screaming for her life and you have not slept in 5 nights and you do not even have the resources to take care of her. 

This is not a matter of faith because, faith works by love and it is selfish to have the power to change something and you choose otherwise. 

You see, the last time I was at the hospital, I saw my student was having blood transfusion!

I am at least 15 years older than her and I do not have such experience.

I bore my worries in my heart and had to stand there with and for her. We had to be the strength she did not have.  

Every time I think about my dear student, I pray I do not lose her. I can forgive her parents, but I do not know how fast I will heal. 

Now that you have the chance to change that child’s future, please do.

From a very concerned teacher

photo credit- unsplash